Character Assassination
by WFROSE
Summary: Don't worry folks, I didn't start a new story This one's been sitting on my hard drive for almost three years
1. Chapter 1

Ranma/ 'Final Destination'  
'Character Assassination' 

"Ranma, RANMA! Are you even paying attention to me?"

The pigtailed boy started from his position on the fence, and looked down at one of his numerous fiancées, "Huh? You were saying something?"

Akane huffed, and turned to look away in disgust, "Really, if you're going to at least acknowledge the idea that we may be engaged, you can at least acknowledge me once in a while, you jerk."

"Hey, I acknowledge you plenty!" Ranma retorted with an easy tone, "I acknowledge that you lack even the average bust size for your age group, I acknowledge that you produce too much testosterone for even most males, I acknowledge..." Ranma pulled his head back almost casually...

:SWISH:

"... that even though you claim to be a martial artist, you still throw like any weak girl I've ever seen..."

Akane picked up another rock, and glared menacingly at Ranma, "why don't you come down and say that to my face, Ranma?"

"That would require unpleasant closeness to your... uncute...," Ranma started to reply, before blinking, and staring off into space. Time somehow stopped for Ranma, as he peered off into the distance of what had become pure white. Suddenly, as if it were some message from a techno-kami, upon the white, Arabic words started to appear. Ranma felt a strange sense of foreboding, as he began to read what was being shown before him...

lack even the average bust size for

your age group, I acknowledge that

you produce too much testosterone

for even most males, I acknowledge..."

Ranma pulled his head back almost casually...

:SWISH:

"... that even though you claim to be a martial

artist, you still throw like any weak girl I've

ever seen..."

Akane picked up another rock, and glared

menacingly at Ranma, "why don't you come

down and say that to my face, Ranma?"

"That would require unpleasant closeness to

your face"  
Ranma replied, flipping sideways from the

second thrown rock that carried the force of

Akane's ire.

Ranma jumped down from the fence, facing

Akane, while making faces at her in taunting.

He ran backwards, dodging away from each

swing Akane made at him with her schoolbag.

"Nyeah nyeah, too slow, Macho chick!"

Ranma egged, as they rounded the corner that

would bring them on the street to the Tendou

household.

"RANMA, YOU... WATCH WHERE

YOU'RE GOING!" Akane shouted.

"Huh?" Ranma started to turn around, but just

a moment too late

"WOLMPH!"

Dual voices cried out, as Ranma had

backpedaled into someone.  
Being the first to his feet, Ranma was also the

first to respond, "Yo,  
sorry about tha... huh?"

"My own apologies, I had not been paying

attention to my own surroundings..." The young

man of about Ranma's age bowed, and began to

introduce...

Ranma read as the guy introduced himself. He read as the guy then asked him for the location of Ranma Saotome. Ranma skimmed ahead, and read more.

"I don't know about thisthe pigtailed boy stated

solemnly, this was something that even he had

felt overwhelmed by what he had been told."

"I wouldn't want you to accept this without a

great deal of thought," Revant stated with

equal graveness, "But, if you are up to this

task, you..."

What Ranma now realized was type on a computer, scrolled quickly, yet he was able to catch all of it; Ranma's greatest adventure that would lead to a dramatic change for all involved. Shampoo forced to abandon all she believed, Ukyo having to decide between her old love and friendship for Ranma, and the new one for Revant, which would lead to a clash between the two greatest fighters of their generation, with the loser, in a jealous moment of rage, unleashes one of the greatest evils of mankind. So many ordeals that lead to the absolute change of the status quo between all who knew Ranma, and ultimately Ranma's final fate. Ranma read all this with absolute fascination, right before the second rock hurled by Akane scored right between the eyes.

Ranma flew back into the canal, surfacing a bit more effeminate, "HEY!"

"That's what you get for ignoring me for a second time," Akane snorted, before folding her arms and turning away.

Ranma was about to shout back a witty retort, before something popped into mind, "Hey, Akane, since when have I ever been able to read English?"

Akane started, and turned back to Ranma, "About since Ms. Hinako had to be sent to the hospital for the absolute shock you gave her for actually paying attention in class!"

"Wha? But I never paid any..." Ranma caught Akane's half lidded stare, "Oh..."

"Honestly, if you would pay attention in class at least once in a while," Akane sighed, "Come on, Ranma, let's get home."

"You're still uncute," Ranma had to add one last barb, before wading out of the canal, and leaping over the fence. They continued on home in momentary silence, as Ranma kept giving Akane wary glances. Finally, the youngest Tendou got fed up.

"Ranma, just what is your problem, today?" She asked, as they rounded the corner that would put them on the street to their destination.

"Um, have you... WOULMPH!"

The last part was said by two voices, from two people who had collided. Ranma was the first up, and was the first to respond, "Sorry about tha-ACK!"

My own apologies, I had not been paying attention to my own surroundings..." The young man of about Ranma's age bowed, and began to introduce himself, "I am Revant Artishire, perhaps you can-"

"I DON'T KNOW A RANMA SAOTOME!" The redhead screamed, before grabbing Akane's hand, and making a furious break for home. The young man stared at the departing girls, blinking in confusion. After a moment, he shrugged.

"Hmm, perhaps I should look up this Tenchi character instead"

Ranma and Akane arrived at home, breathing heavily. Ranma was in the midst of one breath, as Akane slapped him upside the head, "JERK! That was rude!"

"Trust me, Akane, we're better off not talking to that guy, I promise you!" Ranma replied urgently, gaining a concerned look from the other girl.

(-.-)

Staring at the screen, WFROSE blinked, and then narrowed his eyes...

"What... the fuck?"


	2. Chapter 1 plus 1

Ranma 'Character Assassination' 

Mrs. Ono felt a startling revelation occur to her. For a great deal of time, she had fretted over her son getting married with a proper woman, settling down, and raising her strong grandchildren. Unfortunately, he had fought her gently every step of the way.

She knew he understood her concern, so why wouldn't he work with her?

The answer came quite simply to her...

Her son was gay.

Mrs. Ono rolled up her sleeves; that was a problem she was just going to have to work hard to rectify... wasn't it?

(oo)

"Okay, Ranma, whatever!" Akane exclaimed in exasperation, as she turned away from her fiancée, "Magic words appeared in the air in English warning you to stay far away from whoever that guy was."

"Reburantsu, his name is Reburantsu," Ranma adamantly stated.

Akane just turned to glare at Ranma, "You don't really expect me to believe you know a total stranger's... Rannnnmmmmaaaaa..." Ranma started to back away from Akane's growing ire, "This isn't some fiancée for your girl-side, or ultra-powerful martial artist you and your Dad managed to tick off somehow, is it?" She was now staring him furiously in the eyes.

"NO! NO! I NEVER EVEN MET THE GUY!" Ranma shouted, waving his hands to ward her off. Akane stared at him for a few moments longer, before closing her arms, and folding them over her chest.

With a snort, she turned her nose into the air, "Really Ranma, I..." If her eyes were open, they would have softened, "Sometimes, you just really push my patience, Ranma."

"Akane, can't you just listen to me for once!" Ranma almost shouted, causing Akane's brow to furrow, "For once, I get a head start on when I'm about to step deep into something that will probably go way over my head, can't you just trust me for once?"

"Usually, when you get some sort of premonition, it ends up in more trouble than it's worth," Akane retorted, before sighing, and turning to fully face Ranma.

"Alright, I'll believe that guy may have been bad news, but you could have been a bit more courteous about it!"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry!" Ranma nodded his head, trying to convey his sincerity, "I won't be rude like that again! So can we just... hide in the house until we're sure he's gone?"

Akane glared balefully.

( . )

A week later...

"Ah... Mom... what a pleasant surprise!" Tofu almost stuttered, as his Mom stormed into his office; instead of carrying their family shrine, she held a massive bulging sack over her shoulders.

"Didn't expect a visit from me so soon, didja, Son?" The Ono Matriarch stated with a jovial chuckle.

"Um, mother, those wouldn't be..." Tofu attempted to pry; afraid they were more photos of Japan's biggest female hips, and perhaps beyond...

"Oh, my old bones are aching something fierce, lemme set this heavy load down," she replied, side-stepping the inquiry. "Oh, that's so much better!"

"Ah... Mom..."

Mrs. Ono looked up to the ceiling, " You know, Son? I thought someone with your pay salary would take better care of this place! Why, there are cracks everywhere!"

"Huh?" Tofu looked up himself, "Well, I don't think they would be too bad, this is a fairly new... I don't see any-" As he was speaking, his mother tested her right index finger, and then leapt to poke at a point in Tofu's neck.

(ee)

"Huh?" Tofu woke up to find himself strapped to a steel chair in what would have been a sensory deprivation chamber, if it weren't for the large plasma screen HDTV in his view.

"Good! You're awake, Son!" Mrs. Tofu's voice commented from behind. Tofu couldn't turn his head, so he was forced to sit and listen.

"I went and prepared a little surprise for you, dearie!" Behind Tofu, the old woman was reaching into her large sack. "I'm afraid, even though I would love you just as much for any lifestyle choices you make..."

"What are you talking about, mother?" Tofu replied, nervously, he attempted to blink, but found that his eyes at some point had been taped open.

"... but we must ensure the Ono line continues," she continued, undaunted, "So, where would you like to start first? 'Muf 4 Muf, or 'Dr. Devil and his Erotica-Ray...?"

( . )

Tofu heard the tell-tale sign of his DVD player opening and closing, and began to clutch his armrests firmly"

"Oh yes, that looks quite nice!" Kasumi exclaimed testing the fruit for its ripeness, "How much?"

"For you, Kasumi, on the house," the store vender replied with a smile, "You've already bought enough from me today!"

"Oh, you're too kind!" Kasumi smiled, as she put the fruit into her parcel. She bit the vender a good day, and started out of the market; unheeding of the stealthy shadow tailing her from behind.

Kasumi cut down a well lit alleyway with a great deal of space on her way returning home. She scanned the area, suddenly feeling a sense of foreboding overcome her.

She slowed her steps, as her hearing increased. Her eyes slowly surveyed the area, as she ensured not to turn her head to bring suspicion to anyone that may be following her.

:CRUNK:

Kasumi quickly turned to the crashing sound, to find an empty, and thoroughly cleaned out trashcan tipped over, with a white fluffy kitty with cute blue eyes staring up at her, crawling from it and signifying that it was the culprit.

Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief, and admonished the cuddly kitty, "Bad Mr. Kitty! Don't you know it's not nice to knock over people's empty trashcans? It's just not proper!"

"Meow," Mr. Kitty (which actually happened to be a 'Ms.') replied, bowing its head from being firmly chided.

Kasumi nodded, and turned around to walk, running into a wall.

"Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Wall," Kasumi stated, finally looking up into the face of a seemingly maddened Dr. Tofu.

"Kassssssuuuuuuummmmmmiiiiii," his breath was thick in her face, as it seemed every muscle in his body was tensed, "Heeeeeelllllppppp meeeeee."

"Oh my, are you lost?" Kasumi asked, "Are you coherent?"

"Iiiiii Neeeeeeeddddddd youuuuuuuuuu." The doctor's trembling became such a high pitch, the air around him started to hum, as objects around him started to vibrate.

Kasumi ignored the slightly pleasant feeling, "Oh dear, you have the shivers!" She put her hand on his forehead to feel his temperature, finally breaking the straw with the final camelback, "And you're running such a high FevEAHHHHH"

(99)

Mrs. Ono sighed, as she worked to pull the remnants of the steel chair from the walls. Perhaps it was pointless; she loved her son dearly, and just couldn't go all the way to enforce his family duty. She huffed, as she worked on one particularly heavily embedded piece stuck in the concrete wall; oh well, at least there was always hope for adoption...

"Ooooooooooohhhhh mmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

The Ono Matriarch looked up, thinking she knew that voice that shouted off in the distance, "You know? That sounded a lot like that lovely Kasumi girl..."

"Kaaaaaasssssssssssuuuuuuuummmmmmmiiiiiiii!" Mrs. Ono jolted; that voice, though feral and husky, she did recognize...

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!"

The Ono Patriarch smiled, as she went back to work; perhaps the future wasn't as bleak as she thought it would be?

(0.-)

"Hey Kasumi!" Ranma started, striding into the kitchen, "What happened, we were all starting to get worried about-URK!"

"Hello, Ranma," Kasumi greeted, "I thought everyone might like a tempura platter selection tonight," Kasumi leaned over the hot oil in the wok, checking the pieces she just added.

Ranma stood frozen, until he brought about enough willpower to regain his motor skills. It was then he realized something... somewhat painful, "Ah, Kasumi, do you think you should be... um, leaning over it like that?"

"Oh' its okay, Ranma I-"

:SPATZ:

Ranma jolted at the sound of sputtering cooking oil, wincing at the imagined sensation of hot oil touching bare flesh, and turned away, missing Kasumi's shiver of delight.

"Oh... my," Kasumi exclaimed in a sensuous and drawn out tone, "I... think I'm going to need ten minutes to freshen up. Could you watch this for me?" Kasumi quickly strode for the door, heading to the bathroom, tossing her apron she was wearing to Ranma."

"NO! KEEP IT ON! KEEP IT ON!" Ranma shouted, but too late.

The sounds of chaos were easily heard into the kitchen, punctuated by one final cry.

"RANMA, YOU PERVERT! WERE YOU WATCHING MY SISTER IN THE BUFF?"

Ranma whimpered.

(0o0)

"Rassm-frassm bad ama-ebi sushi trip gone and re-write my actual attempt to be serious in a fic and go warn them of the HELL I planned to put them through Ain't NO ONE gonna mess with my shit or I'll fuck them in the ear fuck them fuck fuck FUCK THE WORLD!"

A fanfic author blinked, settled down, and with a grim and purposeful determination, he began to write again...


	3. 2 Chapters after 1

Ranma 'Character Assassination' 

She had been coming in for a week now. Ukyo looked up expectantly, to find exactly who she had been waiting for. A little girl of about five or six, with bright green eyes and deep auburn hair, dressed in clothing only a little better than rags. She always came when it was during the dead of the day, a point where Ukyo and Konatsu spent most of their time getting ready for the after-school to dinner rush. The chef recalled the first time the girl had brought up enough courage to come into the restaurant.

A week ago...

Ukyo wasn't sure what to make of her, then; a little girl, obviously should be in school, and without her parents around, peaking through the crack of the door, timidly, and startled when the chimes above it wrung.

Both Ukyo and Konatsu were aware of the girl, even before the door had opened, as it wasn't too rare for them to get curious youngsters peeking in to find out what was creating such a delicious smell; they usually brought parents with them, and that was good for business. But, nonetheless, they only bothered to look up when the chime went off.

"Hello, something I can do for you, sugar?" Ukyo asked as pleasantly as she could, assuming the girl had lost her parents somewhere, and that perhaps Konatsu could help her find them.

The girl seemed to shrink back at being addressed, but her slightly pouting face firmed into an almost angry determination, as she instead approached the bar in a barefoot stride, and climbed onto one of the stools. The young girl reached into her pocket, and pulled out several yen in small coinage, causing Ukyo to raise an eyebrow, and Konatsu to turn away, slightly nervous. Even without shifting through the coins, it was obvious that there was barely enough for a sizable drink.

Under the look she was receiving, the girl began to fidget a bit, before casting her eyes down, crestfallen. Ukyo kept her apologetic gaze on the girl's dirty face, and found her heart breaking, but business was business; her Ran-chan was already eating a good portion of her profits, and Konatsu's occasional mishaps didn't assist either.

The girl took the hint, and with a nod, went to collect the sparse coins she had laid out to pay whatever food she could get. Ukyo had already put all the clues together; the dirty face, no parents, shoeless, and hungry, and figured the girl's dilemma. For a flash of an instant, was reminded of herself, when she was abandoned.

After the girl's hands collected the coins into a small pile that barely filled her palms, she made to pick them up, and found a larger hand laid comfortingly on her smaller one.

"I think you got more than enough there, kiddo," Ukyo stated with a wink. She started to work on the girl's meal, just as a radio station that she kept on occasionally for some of her clients started playing an American oldie that Ukyo wasn't all that familiar with...

"It's just an old, old fashioned love song"

(-.e)

The girl had been a joy to have around, and since Ranma hadn't been by at all for the week, she found that giving the girl a meal at a 'discounted' rate (whatever change the girl had laid down) was not at all a problem. Ukyo had no idea where the girl was getting what little money she could scrounge up from, but the girl had too much honor to not at least attempt to pay for the food she was given. Ukyo found it sweet, when Konatsu had managed to slip her some money from his own tips when she wasn't paying attention.

She got to know Ellisha-chan pretty well. The girl was homeless, as Ukyo had presumed, having not even gone to school for long. Ukyo and Konatsu both became her friends in a short period of time, and she became the true friend Ukyo never knew, regardless of her age. This, importantly, had caused her to consider a great deal of things. Things she would have to confront Ranma about in the very near future.

(.-)

Ranma grumbled sourly at his disposition. He had been unconscious throughout all of dinner, allowing his father an extra large helping this night. With a sigh, as he precariously hopped from rooftop to rooftop at a slightly casual pace, he had to wonder if Akane would ever fully lose her temper problem.

With a cavalier step, the pigtailed martial artist dropped down from the rooftop that was adjacent to one of his destination. Ukyo should be wrapping up after the dinner rush about now, so he wouldn't be too much of a bother to her. He entered, and announced himself, "Yo!"

"Sorry, we're closing earl-Ranma," Ukyo replied in a surprised tone. Ranma didn't miss the hint of something else within it, but not noticing the lack of any endearment when she called his name."

"Hey, I kinda missed out on dinner tonight," Ranma stated with a chagrinned tone.

Ukyo nodded in understanding, "So, what's it gonna be?"

"Huh?" Ranma wasn't used to getting that question from Ukyo.

"What okonomiyaki do you want?" Ukyo clarified in an irritated voice, as if what she asked was obvious enough.

"Ah, my usual, I guess," Ranma requested; didn't Ukyo usually get him what he wanted?

"That's gonna be 900 yen."

Ranma blinked again, "Huh?"

"You're not having hearing problems, are you, Ranma?" Ukyo asked with more curiousness than concern.

"Ah... you're going to, um, charge me?"

Ukyo gave him a half-lidded stare, "Well, this is a business..."

"I'll just have a vegetable okonomiyaki," Ranma requested.

Ukyo nodded, before turning away, "Cheapskate..."

"Hey! Some of us don't have regular jobs, you know!" Ranma retorted, having just barely caught Ukyo's comment.

"Ah... sorry," Ukyo replied in a tone that was placating, not apologizing.

"Ucchan... are you mad at me for something?" Ranma knew that was probably a bad question to ask, but did so, anyhow. He was surprised when Ukyo didn't blow up in his face, how ever.

"Ranma, I have to tell you our engagement is off."

All of Ranma's motor functions ceased.

"Please don't sit there like that, it's slightly unnerving,"

Ranma unfroze at Ukyo's request, "Um... that was a bit sudden..."

"I've been thinking, Ranma," Ukyo continued, "The guy I knew when we were young, well... when he grew up, I kind of had the wrong ideas about him. First I thought I wanted to kill him, and then I thought I loved him, but now..." Ukyo took a deep breath, "Now I think we should spend some time away from each other. At least until I figure out if you're at least a friend to me. I know you didn't actually abandon me on the side of the road yourself, but I still need to think of how things stand really between us."

"Ukyo... I thought we're still best buds, right?" Ranma asked with more than a little concern.

"I need to close up in a few minutes, sorry to chase you off like this," Ukyo replied, failing to answer.

Ranma frowned, and wondered what had brought up the sudden change in his best friend since childhood. With a dejected expression, Ranma finished, "Alright, I'll catch you later... I guess."

"Yeah, I guess," Ukyo replied, watching Ranma leave.

"I mean, it was weird." Ranma commented to Akane, as he sat in the corner of the dojo while she worked through a kata, "I have no idea what changed her like that, but she was pretty adamant about it, almost like I was talking to a different person."

"What? Now the magic letters in the sky told you she's a pod-person, or something?" Akane quipped, snapping a crescent kick through the air.

"Would you quit it, already? I'm trying to be serious!" Ranma groused, indignantly.

Akane stopped for a moment, "Gee, I guess this thing is really bothering you, but I thought you would have liked your life to be less complicated..." Akane's eyes narrowed, "Unless, of course, you liked Ukyo chasing after you?"

"Don't go taking things the wrong way!" Ranma retorted, "It's just that we're at least friends, or at least that's what I thought, and then she goes and tells me she's not sure!"

"Well, I guess I'm sorry to hear that, Ranma," Akane stated with sincerity, "I guess the old saying's true, 'people change'."

"Maybe, but just like that? I dunno," Ranma mused.

"Maybe this had been building for some time? And you really hadn't seen her in a while."

"I guess," Ranma huffed, before coming to a resolution, "but I'm not gonna just let it end like this!"

Akane shook her head, knowing that telling Ranma anything different at the moment would be futile, "Sometimes, you don't know what's good for you, you jerk."

Just as Akane was about to return to her workout, the side of the dojo imploded, "Where in the Hell am I NOW!"


	4. Chapter the next one

Ranma/Final Destination 'Character Assassination' 

Ryoga's eyes found Ranma through the settling dust, and he tensed immediately. Ranma himself instantly was in a defensive stance, as Akane looked between them, and rolled her eyes, wondering what Ranma did this time to tick Ryoga off.

Ranma awaited Ryoga to make the first move, but was internally surprised that he had a chance to prepare for the lost boy. Ranma wasn't disappointed, as Ryoga dashed forward. The pigtailed martial artist was VERY surprised at Ryoga's speed, however...

"Whoa!" Ranma exclaimed, as he barely got his guard up, as Ryoga's form blurred. Ranma felt Ryoga's impact, and attempted to leap back, but found himself being held down by his legs.

"WHAT THE?" Ranma looked down, and found Ryoga grasping onto his legs in sheer desperation and panic.

"RANMA! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!" The bandanna-clad boy hysterically screamed to his rival.

Ranma blinked, as he stared at Ryoga frantically clinging to him, and turned to look to Akane, hoping she may have some explanation.

"Ah," was all Akane could get out, as she shook her head, and shrugged.

Ranma decided to see how bad the situation was, "Ah, problems, P-Chan? You ain't looking for a fight or something, are ya?"

"I'M NOT ALLOWED TO FIGHT ANYMORE! PLEASE JUST HIDE ME!" Ryoga wailed, attempting to climb up Ranma's leg.

Ranma noted no response to the 'P-Chan' taunt... in Akane's presence...

Yeah, it had to be something bad.

"Just what the hell is your problem?" Ranma almost growled, while trying to shake Ryoga from him

"HIDE ME! IT'S LIKE BEING MARRIED, BUT WITHOUT THE SEX!"

"Huh? Married?" Ranma repeated, before finding Ryoga climbing onto areas too close for comfort, "HEY! LEGGO!"

"She's, she's like a changed person! Every since that damnable TV program a week ago..."

"Ryoga, what are you talking about?" Akane asked, hoping at least her voice would calm him down, "Who changed?"

"RYOGA!"

Ranma recognized the voice, but decided it couldn't be her. You would hear her pet pig barreling down the way long before you could hear her shout.

"RYOGA HIBIKI! I NEVER SAID YOU COULD LEAVE THE HOUSE!"

It was then that they heard Kasunishiki's gallop arriving. "No way..." Ranma muttered, having his suspicions confirmed, "When did she get so, so..."

"Loud?" Akane finished, digging the earwax that had just risen in her ear.

"OH DEITIES! DON'T TELL HER I'M HERE!" Ryoga screamed, trying to make himself smaller, and hiding behind Ranma.

The hole Ryoga made in the dojo wall became bigger, and through the new cloud of dust, a massive sumo pig and its master riding atop could be seen en silhouette. "Hi Akane, Ranma!" Akari chirped cheerfully, "Have you seen Ryoga?"

"Ah..." Ranma suddenly felt slightly nervous, and shifted a bit, incidentally revealing a bit of Ryoga hiding behind him.

"THERE YOU ARE!" Akari's expression suddenly turned angry and dominating. Ranma could feel the lost boy almost physically shrinking behind him, "WHEN THE HELL DID I SAY YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE?"

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO, I SWEAR!" Ryoga screamed, clinging to the back of Ranma, and peaking over his shoulder in total terror.

"DON'T LIE TO ME! YOU CAME HERE TO FIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?"

"I gave up the art like you told me to, really!" Ryoga stated with adamant fear, "Tell her, Ranma! I didn't come here to fight you, right? We're best buds, right?"

"Okay, this is really starting to creep me out, now," Ranma stated, stepping from in front of Ryoga, "Leave me out of this."

"You're always so silly, Ranma!" Akari chuckled mirthfully. She blinked, and turned to Akane, "Oh! That reminds me, I saw the most interesting program on TV the other day; it was about women asserting themselves in a relationship with their partners, for a happier experience. Here, I bought you a tape recording of it..."

"Ah..." Ranma quickly stepped between Akari and Akane, snatching the tape before Akane could get a hold of it.

"Hey! She was giving it to me!" Akane quipped.

"Why don't we watch it together sometime?" Ranma replied, as he hid the tape behind his back, and clenched his hand.

"Honestly, Ranma," Akane huffed, "It's not like we're in a 'meaningful' relationship right now!"

"And I'd like to keep it that way," Ranma stated wistfully, feeling rather satisfied at the sound of crushed plastic behind him.

"Whatever," Akane retorted, apparently not noticing the cracking of the tape.

Akari snapped her fingers and shouted, "RYOGA!" The boy in question snapped to attention, but was shivering like a baby seal standing in front of a fur wearing man with a heavy baseball bat.

"Y-yes dear?"

Without saying another word, she pointed towards the hole in the dojo wall, knowing Ryoga knew she wanted him home ASAP. With a whimper of defeat, the once proud Ryoga Hibiki; great rival to the even greater Ranma Saotome, slinked through the hole like a mangy mutt with its tail between its legs.

"I'll see you two later!" Akari replied, waving back behind her, as she started off behind her man.

"I suddenly feel immense pity for him," Ranma stated, as he watched the couple and the gigantic pig disappear into the distance.

"That was... weird," Akane added, as she also watched the scene.

Ranma blinked, before turning to Akane, "It's kinda funny, Ryoga, before that, Ukyo goes all 180 degrees, and before that, Kasumi becomes a masochistic, constantly sexually stimulated nudist..."

"Are you still upset about Ukyo?" Akane griped, either ignoring the comment about Kasumi, or her mind could not wrap itself around the concept insuring that it didn't exist to her. "I'll tell you what, if you're really that upset about it, I'll go talk to her, okay?" Akane turned back to the hole in the dojo, "Wow, I never thought a guy like Ryoga would ever become so... whipped!"

Ranma could only give Akane a half-lidded stare in response, not that she seemed to notice. He had to admit, though, it was a rather dramatic change.

"Hey Akane!" Ukyo greeted, as the girl in question walked through the door of the restaurant. Akane had chosen a time when it would be least busy, so that she and the chef could talk. As much as Akane secretly hated having Ukyo as a rival, she didn't want to see Ranma lose one of his few friends.

"Hello, Ukyo," Akane replied, "I know you probably would rather me stay out of this, but I kind of wanted to know what happened between you and Ranma."

Ukyo gave Akane a smirk, which surprised the Tendou girl. "Don't worry, Akane-chan, I'm out of your hair now." Ukyo gave Akane a bright smile, "Guess that means we can be friends now!"

"Um... thanks," Akane replied, a bit confused to Ukyo's perkiness, "If you don't mind me for asking... why the sudden change?"

Ukyo stopped oiling down the grill, and sighed, "Well, a week ago, this cute little girl came in, wanting a meal. She wanted to pay for it, but didn't have all the money for it. I probably woulda shooed her out, if it weren't for the fact that she was homeless."

"That's sad," Akane interjected, "But what does this have to do with Ranma?"

"I was just getting to that part, sugar," Ukyo admonished lightly, "Well, I didn't have the heart to send her away hungry, so I whipped up something special for her, and told her to stop by again whenever she was hungry. She did for every day since then, always with a little change she found scrounging about..."

For some reason, Akane started to feel a bit uncomfortable, "Um, how old was this girl?"

"I think five or six," Ukyo replied, almost oblivious to what she was answering to, "Anyway, Ellisha-chan and me got to know each other pretty well," Ukyo sighed again, and warning bells were upgraded to defcon five for Akane, "We have so much in common, me and Ellisha-chan, and she got me to thinking about myself lately."

"Ah... sounds like she brought out the best of your maternal instincts, Ukyo," Akane stated, being very careful to keep her building stutter down.

"I realize that Ranma just wasn't right for me," Ukyo continued, seeming not to catch what Akane said, as she was in her own wistful little world, "So, I'm giving up on him." The chef allowed a small smile to cross her face, as she idly began oiling the grill again, "Ellisha-chan showed me that, and because of her, I don't think I've ever become happier with myself in my life..." Ukyo came back to the general shared reality, and noticed Akane, "You okay, Akane? You look a little pale..."

"Sorrygottagobye!" Akane immediately shot from her stool, and raced out the door.

"I wonder what that was all about." Ukyo mused out loud. She turned to Konatsu for his observation, and noticed he was once again giving her that weird sideways glare again that he started a few days ago.

(o.O)

Akane slammed the door behind her, and barely remembered to remove her shoes. Ranma came into the hallway, wondering who was in such a rush.

"Hey, Akane," he replied, not noticing her pale and frantic expression, "Did you find out what's up with Ukyo?"

Akane looked up, seeming to give a good once-over to Ranma's face with her wild staring eyes. Without answering, she ran into the kitchen, leaving Ranma blinking in confusion as to what he missed. After the sink was quickly turned on, and then turned off, Akane raced back into the hall with a glass of water, which she tossed in Ranma's face.

"WHADDYA DO THAT FOR?" Ranma-chan yelled; her cute youthful and feminine face showing her adorable irritation, that matched the tone of her almost childish voice. Even as well-endowed as Ranma-chan was, Akane had drawn a definite conclusion.

"Ah, I guess it was pretty bad?" Ranma-chan asked, timidly, as she watched Akane rush to the bathroom, and then heard her vomiting furiously...


	5. Chapter the one after

Ranma/Final Destination 'Character Assassination' 

"I'm not sure how to take this," Ranma-chan stated in a neutral voice, which was a stark contrast to the hysterically laughing Nabiki.

Akane patted the vomit from her mouth with a paper towel, before speaking, "I swear Ranma, she sounded just like the way she sounded when she used to talk about you!"

"RANMA GOT DUMPED FOR A YOUNGER GIRL! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA gasp HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

"Would you SHUT UP already?" Ranma shouted at Nabiki, though his commanding plea received no results.

"It's true," a new voice added, causing Ranma and Akane to turn to the new arrival, "Ukyo-sama has become a bit too enamored with Ellisha, I'm afraid..."

"How can you be sure?" Ranma retorted, "I mean this goes way beyond the bin for Ukyo."

"Well, I think when Ukyo bought her those pink heart shaped glasses, it was rather incriminating," Konatsu drawled, before sitting down in a lotus position in a huff. He also ignored Nabiki, who had just begun to laugh harder.

"WOULD YOU JUST CHOKE AND DIE ALREADY?" Akane shouted, finally getting fed up with her sister.

Nabiki wiped a tear from her eye, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Ranma, I apologize for laughing, I mean, who woulda thought she was only interested in you as a Lolita?" Nabiki's expression became a broken smile, which finally shattered under her revisitation into hysterical laughter.

"So, why are you here?" Akane asked Konatsu, trying hard to ignore her sister.

"I... I couldn't stay there any longer." the kunoichi replied with a sigh.

"You mean she kicked you out?" Ranma asked; Ukyo's behavior was now just way over the top... well, more so.

"No, I couldn't stand the sight of her bouncing Ellisha on her knee again," Konatsu replied, with a slightly disgusted tone.

Akane fought down the upcoming bile, "Ranma, I think we should, well, get Ukyo some help. This isn't normal."

"You sure about that, Akane? I mean I don't see anything wrong with dumping your fiancée who turns into a young looking girl for a five year old girl..." Nabiki immediately continued her laughter right after her comment.

"Nabiki, grow up!" Akane snapped, almost to the point of physically attacking her sister just to shut her up.

Nabiki calmed down somewhat, "I can't help it! It's even funnier than when you told me about Ranma reading the future in the sky, literally... in English, no less!" Nabiki lost it again, almost taking Akane with her. Ranma glared at his fiancée, and she had the good graces to look chagrinned.

"I can't understand," Konatsu groused, "For a few days, it seemed as if Ukyo was considering avoiding Ellisha, but she couldn't turn the girl away. The harder she fought, it seemed the girl would seem more upset..."

"We'll figure out what to do about her later," Ranma interjected, "Right now, this is just weirding me out, big time."

"Akane, someone's at the door for you."

Akane looked up, and answered her sister, "Who is it?"

"Akane..." Yuka walked in wearing a trench coat to keep her warm from the fall air, and staring at Akane nervously, "Um, I have something to tell you... in private..."

Akane gave a glance to Ranma, who shrugged, and turned to Konatsu to talk about other things than perverted, little girl lusting chefs, "Sure, let's go up to my room."

"Man, you shoulda seen him!" Ranma continued, not paying attention to Akane and Yuka going upstairs, "I have never seen Ryoga so frightened before! Not even when he had that stupid tattoo..."

"I would have never thought Ryoga-san of such a reaction," Konatsu mused, "He must be terribly frightened by his girlfriend."

"Yeah, he said she started acting this way after watching some TV show a week ago. Man, am I glad Akane, Shampoo, Kodachi, or... um... I'm glad none of them saw that program."

"Ranma-sama, speaking of Shampoo, do you think she may have some responsibility for Ukyo-sama's behavior?"

Ranma shrugged, "Dunno, guess we can always ask the old ghoul abou-"

Before Ranma could finish, a shrill scream ripped through the household. Ranma and the kunoichi looked at each other, and darted for Akane's room.

(q.q)

"SAY IT, AKANE!" Yuka shouted at the rapidly dodging Akane, "SAY IT, SAY 'I'M YUKA'S BITCH'!"

Akane twisted away from another whip strike, barely managing to avoid getting nicked again. "WHAT IN THE WORLD'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?"

As Yuka was about to reply during her frantic barrage on Akane, the door to the room burst open, finding Ranma leaping through, and tackling the perceived threat to Akane.

"ALRIGHT, YOU, LET'S-" Ranma paused, finding himself astraddle Yuka, garbed in only in a pleather bustier with matching crotchless panties... in the middle of Akane's room, right in front of Akane...

Needless to say, Ranma had never been more terrified in his life.

"AKANE! YOU'RE MINE! YOU HEAR ME? MINE!" Yuka screamed out like a maniac, while squirming under Ranma. Akane slumped to the ground, too relieved at Ranma's save to concern herself with the rather incriminating display before her.

(u.u)

"I dunno what got into her," Akane stated, after giving up trying to bring the cup of tea to her mouth with her still shaking hands," She suddenly confessed her love for me, and when I kept telling her I wasn't interested, she started getting more and more insistent, and then..." Akane shook her head to rid herself of the disturbing image of Yuka in a dominatrix outfit.

"You gonna be alright, Akane?" Ranma asked with a slight hint of concern in his voice.

"I'll be fine, don't worry." Akane replied, taking a deep breath, "It was just so weird and out of the blue. I wonder, what caused her to suddenly do that?"

Ranma shook his head to imply he had no clue, and decided to move onto another subject, "Akane, I gotta sneaking suspicion that Ukyo's current... that whatever's going on with Ukyo may be Shampoo's fault."

"Actually, that was my suspi-" Konatsu started to interject.

"We're gonna ask the old ghoul if she has any idea what she could have done," Ranma continued, undaunted.

"Alright, I'll stay here, though," Akane replied, not really feeling up to leaving the house at the moment. Ranma nodded, and both he and Konatsu left for the Cat Cafe.

(O.0)

"HEY! OLD GHOUL!" Ranma shouted, causing Konatsu to wince, "WE WANNA KNOW WHAT SHAMPOO DID TO UKYO!"

"Would you please refrain from shouting? This is an establishment of business, Mr. Saotome."

Ranma stopped short, recognizing the voice, but finding something quite wrong with it.

Konatsu confirmed Ranma's suspicion, "Um, Shampoo-san, that is a rather... diverse look for you..."

"I will presume that you are favoring me with a positive critique," the young woman wearing black slacks, button up blouse, and matching women's vest replied, as she walked from the back room. She turned to look at a shock frozen Ranma, before greeting. "Ranma, my dear husband, this is a pleasant surprise, although I cannot condone your accusation towards me concerning mentioned rival."

"S-Shampoo?" Ranma chocked out, still not quite recognizing the girl, and just making a guess.

"That is pronounced 'Zi-an-pu, Ranma," Shampoo chided, "I have allowed you to get away with the brutal slaughtering of my name, but I am afraid I now find it far too demeaning to be called a hair care product like some sort of brazen, air-headed bimbo."

"Um, why are you talking funny?" First question to pop into Ranma's mind.

Shampoo blinked, before realizing as to what Ranma was referring to, "Oh, are you referring to my lack of speech impairment? I had endeavored to work on that for the past week, I hope you approve."

Ranma opened his mouth, attempting to get words to come forth. After an intense bout of effort, he replied, "I...I guess."

Shampoo clapped her hands together once, "Splendid! I-" She was cut off, as the alarm in her watch went off, "Oh, bother, I am afraid I shall have to cut this brief meeting short, I have an appointment to make." Shampoo briskly walked past Ranma, giving him a quick good bye, before heading out the door.

"Ah... something tells me Shampoo-san has nothing to do with Ukyo-sama's current, um, orientation." Konatsu replied, with a dry and confused voice.

"Damn skippy!" An old wizened voice stated, followed by the owner's voice hobbling form followed it out into the dining area. Cologne balanced on her staff so she could look Ranma in the face. The pigtailed boy noticed the old woman seemed more disgruntled than usual, like she had to suffer Happosai for a far too extended period of time, "Now what the Hell did you want?"


	6. And the Chapter after that

Character Assassination 

"Hmm," Cologne mused, "This is quite unusual. Though I cannot say I am intimately acquainted with our young business rival, it does seem the work of outside influence." The Amazon matriarch grumbled to herself, before continuing, "It's almost a similar issue with my great granddaughter."

"I thought you were always encouraging her to practice her Japanese," Ranma commented, still not completely positive that Shampoo isn't behind Ukyo's quite uncharacteristic change.

"And as long as you've known us, how well had that worked?" Cologne snapped, unusually tense for the typically collected old woman.

"Hey! Don't take your frustrations out on me, old hag! I got problems of my own!" Ranma retorted, becoming defensive. He immediately relaxed, allowing Cologne to respond.

After pulling the head of her staff away from where it impacted the pigtailed boy's skull, she apologized, "Forgive my current temperament, there has been quite a few rather unique disturbances since this morning about. The sudden fire that sprouted in the kitchen, the Jehovah witness that was in earlier and continued to implore passionately about our conversion, my near-death experience, and those accursed John Denver songs that continue to play from various interfaces from the radio to the passing ice-cream truck!" With a growl, Cologne continued, "And each instant seems to be more and more insistent upon gaining my attention!"

Excuse me, elder," Konatsu interjected, "You said it continued to get worse and worse?"

"My, how attentive to the conversation you are," Cologne remarked.

Konatsu remained non-plussed at the sarcastic barb, "Do you know what it is that brought Shampoo's desire for change?"

"Well," Cologne mused, "It is no secret that you Japanese are rather subtly bigoted..."

"HEY!"

"I understand elder, please forgive our ignorant countrymen, and continue," Konatsu urged, covering Ranma's mouth with his hand.

"Shampoo usually ignored the more boisterous insults made against her," Cologne explained, substituting the phrase 'punished brutally and efficiently without remorse' with 'ignored', "But as of late, they had been more frequent, and I presume they were starting to hit home."

"I presume they invoked Ranma's name?"

Cologne nodded, as Ranma blinked, "Uh, so I'm at fault for this? Can't I go one day without getting all the blame?"

"No, you cannot," the matriarch dry quipped, "Eventually, in an uncharacteristic and emotional fit unbecoming even the most impassioned Amazon warrior, she decided that her life was not going anywhere, and locked herself in her room with her i-mac and those 'Rosetta Software' CDs Mousse studied before he arrived here."

The kunoichi genius nodded, building his suspicions, "I wonder..." Konatsu began to mumble to himself, "Ukyo, Shampoo... Ranma-sama, has there been anyone else that you would consider to have been acting peculiar?"

"Uh, I guess Ryoga... he's been shy around girls, but even he's too proud to be cowed like he was. OH! Kasumi too, she's acting really out of character for her. Oh yeah, I never would have thought Yuka to be a lesbo, much less bold enough to admit it, nor brave enough to admit any perversion to Akane."

"Hmm, that is quite peculiar," Cologne added, "All of these people beginning to deviate from their usual personality tendencies. Son-in-law, perhaps it would be prudent to err on the side of caution, and be on guard for any unusual artifacts or influences. For all we know, this may be an unorthodox attack upon you."

"Hmm, martial arts psychiatry? Eh, why not," Ranma commented, shrugging his shoulders. "Anyways, better get back before the kookiness spreads. Who knows who's next on the list"

* * *

Nabiki closed her door, still chuckling. She would never admit it out loud, but she dearly loved Ranma, that is, she loved the profound amount of entertainment he brought with him. If she videotaped this whole ordeal, she could probably sell it as some sort of reality sitcom... 

The middle Tendou daughter mused over such a notion; to popular genres fused into one; she would make a killing! With a sigh, she mentally stored the idea away for another time, ready to sit down to do her homework. With both the fathers being elsewhere, Kasumi out shopping, and Akane at Yuka's house talking with the deranged girl's parents, the middle Tendou sister decided this would be the best time to productively use the peace and quiet. As she picked up her pencil and opened her notebook to read her notes, she idly wondered what Ranma was currently getting himself into, and how she could profit from it.

She turned on the radio sitting on her desk to help set the background noise that made it peculiarly enough easier to concentrate, and turned the page for her notes, causing her hand to idly brush against something, and cause it to fall off her desk. "What's this?" Nabiki mused to herself, finding a necklace on the floor. "Hmm, guess I pulled this out for Kasumi when she was offering to clean up jewelry," Nabiki mused, setting the necklace she had inherited from her mother back on the desk. She was grateful for the final gift her mother gave her, but she had decided it wasn't her style.

She twisted her nose up at the song that was playing on the radio, deciding that it definitely was not her style. "Ugh, what is this?"

_"Have you gazed out on the ocean seen the breaching of a whale?  
Have you watched the dolphins frolic in the foam?  
Have you heard the song the humpback hears five hundred miles away  
Telling tales of ancient history of passages and home."_

She reached up to turn it to another station, just as the sun poked through the clouds, shining it's brilliant light through her window. Nabiki flinched, as the light reflected off of the jewelry she had on her desk, jolting back, and knocking her reading lamp from her desk.

"SHIT!" the middle Tendou sister swore, as the still on light's bulb burst against the wall, catching fire. It spread upwards along the wall, before beginning to spread to the sides as it found interesting paths to scorch. Thinking quickly, Nabiki quickly ripped the bed spread from her bed, and quickly used it to smother the fire against the wall.

_"We are standing all together face to face and arm in arm  
We are standing on the treshold of a dream  
No more hunger, no more killing no more wasting like a way  
It is simply an idea and I know its time has come"_

"Damnitdamnitdamnit.." Nabiki mumbled, as she frantically patted out the flame before the spread could also combust. Finally, she took a deep breath, stepping back from the wall, "That was a close one, I dunno wha-..."

She stared at the scorch marks on the wall, blinking in slight shock. She turned to her desk, spying the necklace from her mother, still glimmering in the sun's light, then back to the burn mark.

Nabiki wasn't one to believe in omens like her superstitious father did, but she had to admit that with a near death experience such as nearly being trapped in a burning domicile, this was a bit awkward.

Shaking her head, trying to dismiss it as a coincidence, Nabiki didn't notice until she backed into her book case, causing a couple of books to tumble to the ground. With a growl at her own clumsiness, she bent down to pick them up, and tilted her head in curiosity and surprise to find what the book on top had opened up to...

_'And the light shineth in the darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not_

* * *

"Ranma-sama, do you really think that this is some psychological tactic being used against you? I mean, it is rather peculiar..." Konatsu voiced, just as both of them landed upon the grounds of the Tendou household. 

"Well, it's not exactly the weirdest thing that's happened, I mean I've dealt with some pretty peculiar guys... don't you think 'Mr. Sexy Kunoichi'?"

Konatsu blushed, conceding the point.

"Ranma?" Both martial artists turned to the front gate, finding Akane entering, "So, did you find out anything important from Elder Cologne?"

"Na, just that we need to be on our toes for any other weirdness," Ranma replied, as the three made it to the front door, "It could be some weird martial art attack being used on us, so all we have to do is just be prepared for-"

"RANMA! AKANE!"

"YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" All three of them exclaimed, as the door opened, revealing an ecstatic Nabiki.

Akane blinked, before taking in the changes to her sister. Nabiki... Nabiki was... smiling? A real, actual smile, not one of her devious or calculating smirks or sardonic grins, but a content, joyous smile. "What's up, Nabiki? Did you figure something out?"

"Yeah, and what's wrong with your face?" Ranma enquired, not used to seeing such an expression on the middle sister before.

"Ranma!" Akane chastised, more concerned for whatever retribution Nabiki may dish out onto him for even such a minor quip.

To their surprise, Nabiki chuckled, "'But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple, do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself to seriously... take God seriously.' Micah, six eight."

Akane, Ranma, and Konatsu looked at each other, before turning back to the young woman before them, "What?"

Nabiki just sighed, clutching the book she was holding to her bosom even tighter to herself, as she looked up to the sky, "For the longest time, I had my eyes closed, Akane, Ranma, but now I've come to learn something valuable..." Nabiki looked back at the trio with a soft smile that just didn't seem to fit on her face, like it belonged on someone else entirely, "He loves me."

"Uh, you got a boyfriend now or something? Poor guy..." Ranma mused, earning a nod from Konatsu.

Akane's eyes narrowed, before noticing the necklace Nabiki was wearing, "Uh, Nabiki, since when did you start wearing your cross?"

"Since I found him, Akane," Nabiki answered, quickly thrusting the book she was holding out into plain view. "I didn't realize how damned my soul was, until I read this."

"What? Did you just read that or something?" Ranma asked, looking at the leather bound Bible.

"But we were only gone a couple of hours!" Akane retorted.

"I'm sorry of the way I treated you guys," Nabiki stated, lowering her head in meekness, "All I cared for was profit, and never cared about the repercussions, "What profit is it to a man if he gains the world, but loses his soul?' Matthew, sixteen twenty six."

"Creepy," Konatsu mouthed.

"Oh man..." Ranma realized, "Not you too!" He started stepping back away, as if the girl should have been under quarantine.

"The good book has changed my life, Ranma," Nabiki proclaimed, before taking a firm and determined step to her sister and her sister's fiancé, "And we can talk about it together, so it may change yours too!"

"MOVE, KONATSU, MOVE!" Ranma shouted, as he scooped up Akane, and leapt to the surrounding walls. The male kunoichi didn't have to be told twice, as he quickly followed.

"WAIT! YOU MUST BE TAUGHT OF OUR WRATHFUL AND TERRIBLE LORD AND OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!" Nabiki shouted, running after them in a futile attempt of pursuit.


End file.
